Confusing feelings
by Black-Panther09
Summary: Fighting had always been the only important thing for him. But now Kenpachi find himself developing new feelings because of a certain Strawberry. Question is how to deal with these confusing feelings. Warning mature content,yaoi,lemon don't? like go away!
1. Chapter 1

**KenxIchi – Confusing feelings part 1**

His life had always been extremely simple. There had always been only one thing on his mind ever since he was born. Fight. The meaning of his life was to fight, to find a strong opponent and fight until one either died or collapsed.

It had always been like this, and it wasn't supposed to change. So why was he feeling like this. Well the boy was a strong opponent, maybe the only one in the whole world who was able to defeat him. But still. Ever since that orangehaired ryokaboy had fought him, he had felt different. He couldn't get the boy out of his head. He thought it was because he had lost to him, but after a while, he began realizing that he actually felt something else towards the boy. Respect, yes. But also some sort of protectiveness towards him.

Every time the boy got hurt in a fight, he would feel a huge urge to just step in between and beat the shit out of the one who had hurt him, and after he had seen the boy unconscious in the 4th squad. All bandaged up. He felt sad. For the first time in his whole life he felt sad and it scared him, yet again a new emotion. Fear. These feelings were completely new to him. And aside from that, he had lately caught himself in either starring at the boy or even daydreaming about him, and the dreams became weirder and weirder.

At first it was just the boy, smiling at him, calling his name, but then he started getting images of himself touching him, seeing him naked and even hearing him moan his name. He had woken up sometimes in the middle of the night with a hard on because of the dreams. And as if THAT wasn't enough, then his squad had decided that they would have a drinking party.

Well being able to drink wasn't a bad thing at all and knowing his squad it would probably end with a huge fight giving him an opportunity to blow of some steam. But the thing was that they had all agreed that HE was supposed to come as well. Hopefully he would get himself completely smashed before his weird emotions would become a problem and if they did he would be able to pass it off as being drunk.

"KEENNYYY!" Kenpachi's thoughts were cut off as he heard the too familiar voice of his vicecaptain calling.

"What is it Yachiru?" the captain sighed. The little vicecaptain jumped and landed on her captains shoulder. "Kenny, are you okay? You were spacing out again" Yachiru stated. Kenpachi didn't want to discuss this with anyone so he didn't answer.

Yachiru pouted because she didn't get an answer. "Oi Kenny. Don't be so gloomy. You're supposed to be happy. Everyone is getting ready for tonight. And Ichigo is also coming." She said smiling, believing that having the strawberry come tonight would make her captain happy, but she didn't get a reaction.

Yachiry pouted once again and jumped down from the shoulder she was standing on and began walking away. "Well I hope you aren't like that to the party. You wouldn't want to scare berry-chan away would you?"

The last comment snapped Kenpachi out of his thoughts and he looked confused after his vicecaptain as she walked away with a devilish smile on her face, knowing the last comment had hit the nail.

He shook his head.

_I've got to get over this. It's starting to give me problems._

XXXXXX

The evening came and the whole 11th squad was at the party, plus a couple of others who loved to drink.

Ichigo was one of the last to show up, but as soon as he came through the door he was greeted by everyone inside cheering. Despite how weird it may sound he felt calm around those from the 11th squad. The carefree atmosphere made him relax and let him forget everything and just be himself.

Walking into the room he heard someone yell his name. "ICHIGO. Get over here and drink!" The voice came from Ikaku, and Ichigo couldn't help but laugh when he saw said person already extremely drunk, leaning over the table to keep himself up.

He walked over to the table where Ikaku, Yumichika and of course Kenpachi and Yachiru sat.

Expect for Kenpashi, everyone talked, drank and laughed, and as the time passed Ikaku suddenly challenged Ichigo to arm wrestle against him.

Ichigo took the challenge and because Ikaku was too drunk to concentrate properly, Ichigo easily beat him. Ikaku demanded a rematch, but feeling a bit drowsy Ichigo went out on the terrace to get some fresh air.

Kenpachi noticed him leave and decided that he would go out as well after a few minutes not wanting it to look like he was stalking the boy.

Outside on the terrace Ichigo was sighing as he felt the cool air against his skin. The sun had set and now the moon and stars were the only things lighting up the dark sky. It was beautiful and Ichigo stared out into the night feeling slightly homesick.

He awakened from his trance when he heard someone walk out of the house and over to where he was standing.

He was slightly surprised when he saw Kenpachi walk over and stand beside him, feeling emotions stir inside he turned his attention back towards the night sky.

For some time he had felt different every time he was with Kenpachi. He didn't know what it was, but he felt extremely calm when he was around the tall man, which was weird since almost everyone feared him and always tried to avoid him.

They didn't say anything for a bit and Ichigo felt like he should break the now awkward silence. "So... Do you enjoy the party? It's been a while since I've seen you." Kenpachi was looking up at the sky in his own thoughts but turned his head to look over at the orangehaired boy as he spoke. "It's okay."

Ichigo didn't know what to say, it had always been hard to keep a conversation going with this man. But even though they didn't talk much, he still felt so close to this person, he realized just how nice it was to just be with him. He sighed. "It's funny".

Kenpachi looked confused at the boy, not getting what he was talking about. "What is?" He asked curiously.

"I just realized how nice it is to be with you and the others from this company. Most people try to avoid you because they think you're scary but somehow I feel calm every time I'm with you guys. I don't have to think about anything, I can just relax and do whatever I want."

Kenpachi kept starring at the boy. He really wanted to tell him about the feelings he had for him but how could he? Even though Ichigo had just said those things, it didn't mean that he would accept those feelings. Ichigo turned his head looking at Kenpachi who just kept starring at him with a conflicted and confused look in his eyes..

"Something wrong Kenpachi?" He asked a bit nervous.

Said person shook his head, realizing that he had been staring, once again lost in his own thoughts. "Sorry I was just thinking about something" He said, turning and looking into the night.

Ichigo got curious, it wasn't normal for the captain to space out. "What were you thinking about?" Kenpachi didn't answer at first but then decided to talk he might as well get it out. "It's just that I lately have developed some feelings that I've never had before" Ichigo looked confused at the captain.

'_Now this is interesting.'_

"What kind of feelings?" Ichigo asked wanting to know more.

Again there wasn't an answer at first but then the captain spoke. "It's just. There is this boy, and every time I fight with him, I feel so... Happy. It's not anything like when I'm fighting any one else and when he is fighting, even when he's not fighting just, every time he is hurting, I just. I get so angry. I want to kill the person who injured him or made him hurt in any way. When he's sad, I get sad as well and it's so confusing because I don't know what to do to make him feel better... I want to protect him?"

At the last sentence Kenpachi looked up at the boy unsure if any of those things he had just said made any sense and the confusion was still clear in his eyes. Ichigo was looking at the captain with soft eyes. He had never seen the strong male so confused and for some reason it made him sad to see him like that. "You like that person don't you?"

Kenpachi looked at him as if he had just grown another head.

"You do! You want to protect him no matter what and when he's sad you want to comfort him and make him feel better. Does he know how you feel?"

There was a moment of silence before the captain broke the silence. "No he doesn't"His voice was barely above a whisper and Ichigo couldn't help but feel sad for his friend but knowing that the captain would probably kill him if found out he decided to smile kindly at him instead.

"Well if I was that person. I would be happy to know that's how you feel. To know that someone likes you and wants to protect and comfort you is really nice. I think you should tell him how you feel, and... If he doesn't like those feelings, then he isn't worth your worry... at least that's what I think" Ichigo said slightly blushing and turning around to look into the night as he spoke the last sentence. Not knowing what to say Kenpachi just stood starring at the boy, shocked by what he had just heard.

'_Fuck he's cute. If only he knew that the person I was talking about was him, but then he maybe wouldn't say those things. He's kind, so maybe he just told me that to make me feel better.'_

Even though the thought hurt a bit, he was still happy about the things the boy had told him. They stood in silence for a bit, just looking a the sky.

The silence was cut off as they heard a familiar voice shouting. "OI ICHIGO. I WANT A REMACH!" Turning around the pair laid eyes on a completely smashed Ikaku trying to stand from the table with Ymichka trying to keep him from falling and drag him back to the table.

Ichigo sighed and couldn't help but laugh a bit. "Well I guess I should get inside again. Are you coming in too?" Ichigo had turned around and was walking into the house but stopped and turned his head as he waited for the captain to answer.

"Just go inside. I'll be there in a bit" The tall man said still looking into the sky. Ichigo started walking into the house giving the captain a small "okay" before he went inside to were the others were sitting, and as soon as he sat down, the rematch started.

Outside Kenpachi was in his own thoughts. He really wanted to tell the boy how he was feeling, but if he had just told him all those things to make him feel better, then it would be a disaster to reveal his feelings for him.

He shook his head furiously and decided that he had to tell him before he turned insane due to all those new feelings. He went inside again and over to where Ikaku and Ichigo were just about to finish their rematch.

Ichigo won once again and, once again, Ikaku demanded a rematch, but Ichigo shook his head. "I have to get home now since I don't have anywhere to crash, and I don't want to fall asleep on the way home."

Almost everyone offered that he could crash at their place. Ichigo was happy for the offers, but he also knew that a lot of them would be ready to jump him as soon as he fell asleep. He really did like them, but only as friends and he didn't want to loose his virginity to a drunkhead because he was tired.

"You can crash at my place" A voice boomed behind Ichigo and everything became still and quiet. The voice belonged to no one else but the captain himself, almost everyone knew that the captain would only let someone into his house if it was deadly necessary or maybe if he had just lost a fight, and none of them ever happened, especially not the last one. (Even though Ichigo had managed to do so)

Ichigo had turned around and was looking at the captain, a bit confused to why he had offered that, but then his curiosity took over. "Okay then" He said. He really wanted to see how strong man lived.

Now everyone was starring at Ichigo instead, never would their captain offer shelter for anyone but it was even more unbelievable that if it happened, which it didn't, then the person would agree to go with him, at least not by their own free will. They respected their captain but they were also afraid of him and going into his house would be the same as to walk into a lion cage.

Kenpachi got annoyed with everyone starring at Ichigo. "What the fuck are you looking at. Get back to the drinking." He yelled, and right after the comment everyone was drinking again.

XXXXXX

The time passed by and more and more fell asleep on the floor. Ichigo began feeling sleepy himself which Kenpachi noticed and went over to ask if they should go home. Ichigo gladly agreed to go home and took the offered hand to stand up.

Before walking out off the door Kenpachi raised his voice. "Well I don't care how long you are going to drink but don't think I'll be nice on you tomorrow. You're all supposed to be up and ready for patrolling at 7 a.m understood?"

Everyone was sighing and complaining, but the captain just glared at them and was about to scold them when suddenly Ichigo spoke to him. "Oi don't be so hard on them. It's already 4 and you could probably use some sleep yourself."

Everyone was starring at Ichigo. No one had ever talked like that to the captain except for the vicecaptain, but that was different. And as if that wasn't enough of a shock but instead of beating the boy for talking like that, the captain just shrugged. "Okay then. Do what you want, but this place better be clean and all of you will be ready at 10 a.m then. Is that clear?"

Only a few people answered, since the rest was too confused over what had just happened to answer. "I didn't hear you. Is. That. Clear?"

Everyone 'woke up' and shouted. "YES CAPTAIN"

Kenpachi grinned before turning around and walking out of the house with Ichigo right behind him.

As soon as they were gone the talk started again and many came to the conclusion that Kenpachi had a soft spot towards the strawberry.

Yachiru was still in the house and came over to the ones talking. "If I were you, I would keep quiet. And I'd especially stop starring at the berry-chan. All of you look like you could jump him as soon as he turned his back towards you."

Everyone was looking at the small vicecaptain with fear and confusion in their eyes. "Arh come on. I'm not blind, and neither is Kenny. If he sees you stare at the boy, then you are dead meat." After that she gave them a big grin and disappeared out of the house.

They all sat in silence, but after a few minutes the party was continuing as normal as ever.

XXXXXX

Outside Ichigo and Kenpachi were on their way to the captains house. "Thanks for letting me crash at your place Kenpachi. You didn't have to do that you know" Kenpashi shrugged. "It's nothing, besides it was too early to take home before."

They were silent for a bit before Ichigo spoke. "Thanks anyway. I really appreciate it" He said with a low voice. "It really was nothing" Kenpachi said. "I think it was." Ichigo whispered but the captain heard it none the less.

Suddenly Ichigo stopped feeling a slightly dizzy. Kenpachi heard him stop and turned around to see why his companion had stopped. "You alright?" He asked while walking back to where the boy was standing.

Ichigo didn't answer and suddenly grabbed Kenpachi's shirt to steady himself as his vision became blurry and his breathing becoming labored. Kenpachi's eyes widened as he caught the boy. "Oi Ichigo. What's wrong?" He said, his voice becoming a bit nervous.

"Don't know... Feels... Weird." The boy whispered before his legs gave in and he collapsed the strong arms around him being the only thing from hitting the ground.

"Ichigo? ICHIGO?" The captain shook the boys shoulder gently but didn't get an answer. The boy was feverish, a light sheen of perspiration covering his head and his breath coming in pants. Not thinking clearly Kenpachi lifted him up and flash-stepped them to his house instead of the 4th company and put him on his bet having no clue as what to do with the unconscious boy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Where we left of from part 1.**

"Oi Ichigo. What's wrong?" He said, his voice becoming a bit nervous.

"Don't know... Feels... Weird." The boy whispered before his legs gave in and he collapsed the strong arms around him being the only thing from hitting the ground.

"Ichigo? ICHIGO?" The captain shook the boys shoulder gently but didn't get an answer. The boy was feverish, a light sheen of perspiration covering his head and his breath coming in pants. Not thinking clearly Kenpachi lifted him up and flash-stepped them to his house instead of the 4th company and put him on his bet having no clue as what to do with the unconscious boy.

**On with the story:**

KenxIchi – Confusing feelings part 2/2

Inside Ichigo awoke due to a cool hand gently touching his face. His eyes fluttered open and met with the worried look of the strong captain. "What happened?" The boy asked, still slightly out of breath. "You collapsed on the way here. Though I don't know why." The captain answered his hand still petting the boys hair and face.

Ichigo was looking down, he still felt extremely weird and hot but the hand helped a little. "Oh. I see. Sorry" He said with a low voice. Kenpachi looked at the boy, he could see that he wasn't feeling well. "Ichigo. Are you okay?" He asked placing his hand gently on the boys forehead.

To both of their surprise Ichigo turned his head into the hand and sighing. "I don't know. I feel weird. It's hard to breath, my head feels like it's spinning and it's like I'm burning inside... but your hand helps" The boy was panting now, getting even more hot.

Kenpashi's eyes widened he had a pretty good idea of what was wrong now. Somebody must have spiked his drink with some kind of aphrodisiac. Kenpachi didn't approve of these kinds of drugs and especially when he knew that whoever had done it had wanted to take his strawberry without his consent. He was about to storm back to the party and demand whoever did this to come forth and face his wrath but sounds coming from the boy as nuzzled against his hand drew him back to the current situation.

Ignoring the whine that slipped from the boys lips as he removed his hand Kepachi tried to stay calm. "Ichigo... I think I know what's wrong"

Looking up at the captain with pleading eyes the boy asked between pants "What. Is. It?"

'_Fuck this is bad. He looks so fucking sexy like that. I'm not sure if I'll be able to control myself if he keeps on talking like that.'_

"Kenpachi?" Ichigo whispered no longer capable of thinking straight. The heat was unbearable and if Kenpachi's hand had helped then maybe getting even closer to him would make the heat go away and so he slowly crawled over to the stunned captain and nuzzled his head against the hollow of his neck.

Feeling his self control start to crumble Kenpachi tried to keep the boy away from him but this only earned him a whine.

"Uhm. You got drugged." The captain said, trying to hold the boy away from him.

Ichigo whined as he tried to get back to the wonderful feeling of being near the strong captain. "Please Pachi... Make it... go away. Please"

Knowing that the boy would regret it in the morning he tried to talk some sense into the boy. "Ichigo listen to me. You need to relax and the drug will wear of on it's own."

"But it's sooo hot... You... make it... better" Ichigo's eyes were now clouded with arousal as he looked pleadingly at the captain.

"You'll regret it in the morning if I do something" Kenpachi tried again but instead of listening to the captain Ichigo only fought harder to get closer to said man making small needy sounds.

"I don't... care... Please... Need... you" Somehow Ichigo managed to break Kenpachi's hold and wrapped himself around the broad, muscular torso breathing hard into his ear. "Please..."

This destroyed the last thin thread of resistance and logic in the strong male and in a second he had their lips were slammed together. Ichigo's eyes widened but as he felt the captain lick his bottom lip to gain access he gave in and opened his mouth letting out a breathy moan.

Kenpachi crawled onto the bed, hovering over the boy and let one of his hands slip under the top of the uniform to touch the warm skin. Ichigo moaned as he felt the hand against his skin.

'_Fuck. Even though it may be wrong, it feels so good. I can't even think straight anymore.'_

Ichigo's thoughts were cut off as he felt the hand twisting and rubbing against his hard nipple his shirt waas slipped over his head and Kenpachi began placing fevered kisses down the boys neck and swirling his tongue around looking for sweet spots.

Ichigo was moaning in pleasure bucking up his hips as he felt a hand rub against his erection through the thin fabric of his uniform and boxers.

Kenpachi couldn't help but grin at the boy's reaction. He quickly got rid of the pants and the boxers. Ichigo blushed and tried to hide himself but his hands were quickly pushed aside by Kenpachi who started to rub his erection making Ichigo moan and writhe underneath him.

Then suddenly he stopped and removed his hand. "Naah. Why. Did you. Stop?" The boy asked rather disappointed. The captain grinned and placed three fingers in front of the boy. "Because I'm going to make you feel even better." He said while stroking his fingers over Ichigo's lips.

The strawberry got the hint and took the fingers into his mouth, sucking and licking them. When Kenpachi deemed them wet enough he replaced them with his mouth while his fingers trailed down the boy's chest and stomach, sending shivers through the small body, before he slowly inserted the first one into Ichigo's tight entrance.

The boy whimpered because of the slight pain even with the drugs in his system making his mind cloud with arousal which only grew heavier as the finger hit his prostate making him arch off the bed and scream out in pleasure.

Kenpachi kept on hitting that spot and added a second finger. It felt good, even though the pain was still there but somehow it wasn't quite enough. His body was still on fire and he knew how to make it go away. "Ahh. Ken. Stop" He panted.

The captain stopped looking confused at the boy on his bed, had it been bad? Or too much?. "Please. I want you. Inside me" The boy said in a voice so low it was only a whisper.

The captain's eyes grew wide and he almost pounced on the boy without a second thought but then thought better of it. "Are you sure Ichigo?" Even if Kenpachi was about to explode in his own pants he still didn't want to cause the boy too much pain. Seeing the conflict in the captains eyes Ichigo raised his upper body to kiss the uncertainty away. "Yes. Please. I can't take it anymore." He panted.

_Screw selfcontrol._

Quickly he pulled out his fingers and took of his clothes. Ichigo's eyes widened as he took in the sight of the heavy member now presented before him. Kenpachi saw his reaction and looked him in the eyes. "Are you sure you want this?" He asked with a nervous voice.

Ichigo could feel his body getting extremely hot again and through his pants he managed to answer. "Yes. Please. Aah. Just. Do it" He said moaning again as he tried to move a bit.

Kenpachi gulped before pushing the boy down gently, lifting his legs and wrapping them around his waist before positioning himself. Looking down at Ichigo not sure if he should do it Ichigo gave him a reassuring look.

Then he went inside, slowly so he wouldn't hurt the boy too much. "AAH. Big. Haah!" Ichigo was almost screaming, his inner walls trying to force out the intruder. Kenpachi groaned. "Ichi. Relax." He tried to comfort the boy but every time he moved the boy would whimper because of the pain and if it wasn't for his feelings for the boy and the hope that this wouldn't be the last time he tried to stay still and go as slow as humanly possible.

Ichigo tried to deal with the pain and hold back his whimpers and screams. He really did but it just hurt so much. Suddenly as scream was torn from his lips as Kenpachi couldn't hold it back anymore and pressed in the rest of the way before stopping completely.

Ichigo's eyes were shut tight with tears running down his face. Kenpachi looked at him with worry clearly showing in his eyes. Fuck he was sure that this had hurt the boy more than anything else maybe he shouldn't have taken him after all. "Sorry Ichigo. I didn't mean to hurt you."

The boy opened his eyes and looked up at the worried captain. Seeing that there was only sincerity and extreme guilt he ignoring the pain and wrapped his arms around the captains neck pulling the strong male down on top of him and kissing him. Kenpachi's eyes widened and he pulled back to look at the boy.

Ichigo's arms were still wrapped around his neck as he smiled up at Kenpachi, one last single tear running down his face. Kenpachi wiped the tear away and bend down to kiss the boy, nipping on his lower lip to gain access.

Ichigo let him in, moaning as he felt the dominant male exploring his mouth. Breaking away for air Kenpachi whispered into the boy's ear. "I love you Ichigo." Ichigo hugged him tight and whispered back. "I know. I love you too" The captain was stunned.

He raised his body to look down at the boy to see if it was real. Ichigo smiled at him and leaned up to kiss him lightly on the mouth. "It's true. I've always loved you. I just couldn't say it before."

Now it was the captains turn to hug the boy tightly. Ichigo had adjusted fully to his size now and whispered into his ear. "You can move now"

Giving his lover one last look to make sure it was okay he bend down and kissed him passionately as he started to rock his hips forth and back. "Aah. Kenpachi. There" The captain had hit his prostate, which caused Ichigo to moan in pleasure.

The moans became louder as Kenpachi lifted the boy legs over his shoulder and bending him almost in half as he kept on thrusting harder and deeper into his lover hitting his prostate dead on every time. He grabbed Ichigo's erection and pumped it in the same rhythm as his thrusting, making his lover scream out his name.

They were both at their limits and it only took a few jerks from Kepachi's strong hand before Ichigo came all over his torso his inner walls contracting and taking the captain with him over the blissful edge. Completely exhausted Kenpachi slipped Ichigo's legs of off his shoulders and was about to pull out and roll over so he wouldn't crush his new found lover. But Ichigo wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him down on top of him into a kiss.

"Ichigo. I'm too heavy for you" Kenpachi said with a nervous voice but only got a yawn in response as Ichigo snuggled closer. "Mmn. You're not. Can't we stay like this a bit?"

Kenpachi couldn't help but smile. He wrapped his arms protectively around his lover and kissed him. He couldn't say that he didn't like it because it meant that he could stay inside of his lover a bit longer. After a few moments though Kenpachi pulled out and rolled over to the side electing a small whimper from Ichigo due to the loss but Kenpachi pulled him into a tight embrace and made him rest his head against the broad chest relaxing.

"Mmn. So warm." He yawned. Kenpachi grinned and placed a kiss on his lover's forehead. "I love you Ichigo." He said with a low voice. "Mmn. Love you too." Ichigo managed to say before drifting into sleep.

Smiling, Kenpachi managed to think one last thought before also drifting of into sleep. _'Maybe love wasn't such a confusing feeling after all'_


End file.
